How To Save A Life
by ThirdtotheLeft
Summary: "And I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life."-The Fray. Fifth installment to the Life is Fine series.


**A/N: Song How To Save a Life by The Fray. Beta'd by Zosanlaw. Fifth installment to the Life is Fine series**

* * *

Step one, you say, "We need to talk."

He walks, you say, "Sit down. It's just a talk."

He smiles politely back at you

You stare politely right on through

Some sort of window to your right

As he goes left and you stay right

Between the lines of fear and blame

You begin to wonder why you came

* * *

One of the first things Chopper learned in Med School was to view his patients as objects. He never really liked that piece of advice, though he understands where it comes from. Objectivity is a precious tool of the trade, especially dealing with life or death situations. People who know him outside of the hospital often joke that he has two personalities. It's a hard distinction between the fun-loving person and the veteran doctor, but it keeps him sane.

It's a defense mechanism, he explains. He has friends that get injured often (Luffy when he ran into oncoming traffic chasing a cat, Nami when she crashed against a tree, Robin from when…well, he doesn't know how she broke her arm. Such a weird fracture, too) and because of that, he's learned to take a step back and view things logically. His personal feelings can wait until he's sure his patient will survive. He's twenty-one now and has been a doctor for four years…he cannot afford to freeze up in the OR.

But when he walks into the frenzied room, he's suddenly seventeen again and fresh off medical school, ignorant and naive. Everything sounds like gibberish to him as nurses call off vital signs and residents crowd around the patient, each one trying to be heard over the other. The sharp stink of disinfectant and blood is too much, it's making him dizzy. The flurry of activity leaves him immobile, the sheer enormity of the scene in front of him makes him feel small and useless in comparison.

But the worst thing is the figure on the bed. He can recognize the green hair and tan skin, can recognize the three golden pendants hanging from one ear. But that's it. Because everything else…is completely alien to him.

He doesn't know anyone with such an ashen pallor to their skin, like the type he's seen on corpses. He doesn't recognize the voice breathing shallowly, somehow able to be heard over the voices of the attendants. He doesn't recognize the malnourished body, once so strong and virile that no matter how much Chopper aged, always made him feel like a little kid next to his older brother. He doesn't recognize the disfigured face, covered in gauzes and dripping blood down the bed and to the floor, pooling in the cool-colored tiles. He doesn't recognize the wide and thin chest bathed in red, split open and gaping wide, exposing insides that should never be seen outside of an operating room.

Because, surely, this cannot be Zoro. Not the Zoro he knows. Not the powerful man he looks up to and has admired since the very day he met him. Not the man who helped him through his grandparents' deaths, the one whose warm body protected him through the nights after their funeral. This is not the straight-backed man who stood firm and confident, an impossible force capable of withstanding anything. Those frail hands cannot be the ones that patted his head in pride when he shared his achievements, the ones that rubbed his back in comfort when he made a mistake, the ones Chopper admired so much when he watched them handle a blade. Those are not the hands that wiped away his tears impossibly gently the day his first patient died on his table. That face cannot be the same one that smiled so widely, so warmly, and with so much affection that it always made him yearn for a brother just like him .

That man cannot be the Roronoa Zoro he knows.

"Doctor Chopper! We need you!"

Chopper startles and looks up at his resident. The older man is staring at him with desperate eyes, gloved hands covered in red. Chopper can read the hopelessness in the room. He can almost smell the fear of every single person, all of them seasoned veterans. The body in the bed is not moving, the heartbeat too slow for proper blood flow. He needs a transfusion and he needs an adrenaline shot to pick up his heart rate. Without it, he'll die.

Yes, it's best to think of it like that. Just a body. Just a patient. It's not Zoro, of course it isn't. It can't be him. Because for the first time in his life, Chopper isn't sure he can save this patient.

* * *

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

* * *

Being a liar has landed Usopp in hot waters a couple of times. Most recently, he almost got into a fight with some lowlife thugs that heard him boasting about his thousand-man army (which totally exists) and decided to see if it was true (it is). Luckily, Franky and Brook were there to watch as he defeated every single man. They helped with a couple of people, but out of the hundred—nay, thousand —Usopp defeated the most.

But enough about that.

The time that sticks in his memory the most is the time he lied about Zoro. He was fourteen years old and had just barely been introduced to the other teenager by Sanji. He didn't know much about Zoro, other than he was crazy strong and—as Luffy often reminded him—super cool. Like he needed to be told that. He may have met the other man through Sanji, but he had heard of the name years before. There wasn't a single kid in middle school and high school that hadn't heard about Zoro and Sanji. The two were legendary for the number of fights they had gotten into in school, and for their sheer strength.

Luffy called them amazing, Nami called them morons, Usopp called them scary, but most agreed that they were terrifying. Sanji was the social one, however, so the effect quickly faded. Usopp had only needed to see him kneeling at Nami's feet, bleeding out of his nose, for his fear and admiration to quickly diminish.

But Zoro…boy, that was another deal altogether. Zoro was that silent, stoic type, the one who could make you shake in your shoes with just a glare. The one with the deep baritone voice, a complete contrast to Sanji's cracking higher voice (since Sanji went through puberty late). The one with the deep gray eyes, the always-present scowl, and the vocabulary of a beast.

And it was only so easy for Usopp to lie. It was a classic the-boy-who-cried-wolf situation. Usopp arrived, triumphant and heroic, and announced to anyone that would listen his incredible tale of bravery. He boasted about how Zoro had gotten terribly hurt when he fell down the old, abandoned well and how he, as any true hero would do, jumped down to save him.

Ah, perhaps it was more of a Lassie situation. But c'mon, between a dog and a wolf, Usopp rather be a wolf. They're much better, quick and clever, used to wildlife brutality rather than loving and loyal companionship.

Whatever situation, dog or wolf, the problem was that Usopp was not aware at that time, that Zoro was prone to getting lost. He was also not aware that Zoro had gotten lost that time so badly, that even his father had gotten worried. He was also not aware of the fact that said father was present at the time he shared his fantastical tale. Except…Zoro's father didn't hear the ending where Usopp saves his son.

And that's how Usopp successfully started a city-wide manhunt for a lost green-haired teenager. True story. Unfortunately.

Luckily, Zoro showed up before the case went state-wide, and as soon as he heard of what had happened, he immediately backed up Usopp's story. Without a single moment of hesitation. It didn't matter that he wasn't injured, or that he wasn't even wet when he supposedly fell down a well…Zoro was adamant that yes, he had fallen down a well, and yes, Usopp had heroically jumped down to save him.

Regardless of every plot hole and inconsistency of his story, he stuck with it. And so, Usopp walked free.

Ever since that time, whenever Usopp thinks of Zoro, the first thing that comes to his mind is not his strength or his bravery…but his kindness.

He doesn't know why that particular memory comes to mind as he looks at the unconscious body of his friend. His eyes sweep over the ventilator helping him breathe, the mask covering half of his face. He stares at the multiple IVs providing him with nutrition and water, as well as morphine and medication to help his heart pump. The bandages wrapped around his head, hiding the wound that Usopp knows took his left eye. The bandages wrapped around his chest, making him look small and frail like Zoro is never supposed to look.

The steady beating of the heart monitor is comforting, but the harsh stink of disinfectant and medications is starting to get to him. He's never liked hospitals, though he is familiar with them. But even though he's been in this position a hundred times, through every low and high of Kaya's life, this is different.

The door opens, startling him out of his thoughts, and he turns around to greet Chopper. The younger man looks tired, but Usopp can read the relief in his eyes when he looks at Zoro.

"He's doing well," Chopper says, and Usopp suspects that's meant more as a reassurance for himself, not Usopp. "He hasn't regained consciousness?"

"No," Usopp answers. "Nami was here before me and she said it looked like he was about to wake up, but he didn't."

Chopper nods. "That's fine. His system is in shock. It's best if he sleeps through the worst of it."

Usopp stares as Chopper steps forward and runs a hand through Zoro's hair. Chopper looks like Usopp feels, but at least Chopper is the reason why Zoro is still alive. Usopp can only sit here and keep watch, which is not much.

Zoro makes a low noise, blocked by the tube in his throat, and his forehead scrunches up in apparent pain. Chopper hesitates, but his hand reaches for one of the IVs, rotating the stopper on the tube until a clear liquid is dispensed into Zoro's veins.

"What is that?" Usopp asks curiously.

"Morphine," Chopper answers. "He is in…tremendous pain. Not only the wound, but his…addiction. I should not be giving it to him, but I just can't…he's in so much pain."

"Then it's okay," Usopp says. "I mean, that's what morphine is for, right? To soothe his pain."

Chopper sighs and shakes his head, his eyes glued to Zoro's face. He's breathing more easily now and his face has smoothed out, looking almost peaceful. "Morphine is highly addictive," Chopper explains. "The morphine is soothing his withdrawal symptoms, but I won't be able to keep giving it to him for long. Morphine withdrawal is often fatal…and I don't want to mix too many chemicals when I still don't know what it was he was taking."

Usopp frowns. He couldn't believe at first when Robin explained to them what had happened to Zoro. Zoro , and addict? No way. He was almost tempted to tell Robin that lying is his specialty, not hers. But her somber expression kept him from making a comment.

He wonders what was the reason behind Zoro's actions. It must have been something incredibly painful, something tremendously horrible, for it to have affected him so much. Zoro is the strongest man he knows, and seeing him like this has certainly not changed his opinion.

He doesn't know what it was that made him like this, but whatever it was…it would have certainly killed Usopp, if he were in the same situation.

"Will he get better?" Usopp asks quietly, almost hoping that Chopper won't hear the worry in his voice.

But the young doctor does, and his face looks stricken for a fleeting moment before he plasters on a clearly fake smile. "He'll be fine, Usopp. This is Zoro we're talking about. Everything will be okay."

"You're totally right, Chopper!"

Out of the two, Usopp will always be the better liar.

* * *

Let him know that you know best

'Cause after all you do know best

Try to slip past his defense

Without granting innocence

Lay down a list of what is wrong

The things you've told him all along

Pray to God, he hears you

And I pray to God, he hears you

* * *

It's midnight when Robin finally comes home. Franky feels her climb into bed, moving slowly and carefully, her back to him. In the dark of night, Franky can only see the shadow of her body, her dark hair and clothes making her blend in with the darkness.

But her cool hand reaches out for his, and when she brings him closer, Franky goes along willingly, hugging her tightly and burying his head in her hair. Neither one of them talks, it's enough to just be like this.

Franky gets off bed first in the morning, moving carefully as to not wake Robin up. He knows she has to go back to work in a couple of hours, but she's going to stop by the hospital first. He plans to go along with her, not because she needs the support, but because he needs her's. It's absolutely cowardly, but Franky cannot bring himself to visit Zoro alone.

He knows Sanji hasn't gone to the hospital either, but at least the chef has a valid excuse. At barely over a month old, Cloe takes most of his time. Not to mention Sanji is hesitant of bringing her back to the hospital after she just barely got out two weeks ago.

But Franky isn't a father, and he has no beautiful bouncing baby daughter keeping him from visiting his friend. Usopp has done it. Nami has done it. Luffy and Chopper hardly ever leave the hospital these days…it's about time he goes as well.

The smell of coffee wakes Robin up, but she stops by the bathroom to wash her face before joining Franky in the kitchen.

"How are things?" he asks, knowing Robin won't answer until after she takes a sip of coffee.

Robin closes her eyes and breathes in the smell of roasted coffee grounds. She takes a small sip and her whole body relaxes.

"Going along smoothly," she finally answers. "We have enough evidence to put the entire Donquixote Syndicate behind bars."

Franky taps his fingers on the hardwood counter. "And that includes Zoro."

Robin's face remains impassive. "As a high-ranking member…it does include Zoro."

Franky bites his tongue, stopping the words he wants to say. He knows they're useless. Robin won't share her thoughts with him—they have been dating for four years, and she still remains as secretive as ever—but he knows her well enough to know she has multiple aces under her sleeve.

"He woke up three days ago," Franky murmurs. "I talked with Usopp. He's awake, but he's just…laying there."

"I am surprised he hasn't died yet," Robin says bluntly, though her eyes betray her sentiments. It's not surprise she feels, but relief. Franky won't call her out on it, though. What's the point? "He was taking heavy doses of Caesar's experimental new drug. Doflamingo was able to kill Monet with three grams of it…and as far as I know, Zoro has taken over twenty grams in the course two weeks."

Franky looks at her curiously. "Is that why you want to talk with Chopper so urgently? Were you finally able to get Caesar's files?"

"I cannot share case-pertinent files with civilians," Robin says automatically.

"You cannot talk about your job with me, either, yet here we are."

Robin smiles at him and Franky grins. It always feels like such an accomplishment when he manages to make her smile.

"As far as I understand…this new drug was supposed to be revolutionary," Robin explains. "Highly addictive, it forces the user to increase intake with every hit…yet, it acts as a virus, conforming with the immune system and delaying any serious effects."

Franky frowns. "So, what? It's supposed to be a healthy drug?"

"Of course not. I said delay , not stop. Heroin, ecstasy, cocaine…they all harm the body gradually, all exhibit symptoms. But Koro does not. A user can remain seemingly healthy…as long as they keep taking. Symptoms will not take effect until the user stops taking it. Effectively, it is a drug with a fatal withdrawal…that way, the user won't ever stop taking. The high is too blissful, and the detox quite literally fatal, to give up."

Franky sighs and rubs his face with a heavy hand. This situation…everything…it is all just too surreal. Never in a million years did he think Zoro would ever be in this type of situation. Living with Robin, Franky is more familiar with addiction and drug crime than the normal person. He's met ex-drug addicts, has even hired a couple of rehabilitated users, and considers some of them friends. But regardless of how well Franky grows to know them, he can never imagine what went through their minds at the moment they chose to fall into addiction.

How does a person make a decision like that? How can anyone willingly ruin their lives like that? Even at his lowest point, Franky has never fallen into temptation. And he doesn't consider himself particularly strong-willed. He's done a couple of mistakes, he has regrets in his life.

Yet, here is a person Franky believed to have a will of steel. He cannot comprehend how he gave into temptation, how…what… why would he do something like this?

And see, this is what bothers Franky the most. It's not the fact that Zoro is currently in a hospital bed, bloodied and drugged out, but the fact that Franky had no fucking idea . He considers himself Zoro's friend, he considers him practically family. Franky trusts Zoro with his very own life—hell, he trusts him with Robin's life—and he always thought that Zoro felt the same way.

But now, with what right can he call himself Zoro's friend? How can he say he cares about Zoro when he never paid enough attention to realize where the other man was heading? How can he call him brother again when he didn't even bother to find out why Zoro had moved out of state?

He knows that if the situation were reversed, Zoro would have reached out to him. Nami and Sanji may question his intelligence often, but everyone is very aware of the fact that Zoro notices a lot more than he lets on. He's like Robin that way. He just processes information differently. Robin takes in knowledge, analyses it and then stores it in her ample memory while Zoro simply classifies it as important and not important. Important information is kept, and unimportant information is forgotten.

"Franky, stop thinking about it."

Franky looks up at Robin, mouth slack. "Sorry?"

"Blaming yourself won't change anything," Robin says. "If you want to blame anyone, then blame me."

Franky frowns. "But you didn't—."

"Let's go. We'll be late."

Franky stares at her, but Robin simply stands up and puts her empty cup in the sink. She won't say anything else, and it's useless to try and pry.

"Are you coming?" Robin asks, and Franky nods.

Of course he is. He's failed Zoro once, he won't do it again. He's going to be there for his friend, every day from today until he gets better, and even after. He's going to be there when Zoro needs someone to talk to, someone to unwind to, someone to just fucking be there for him. Never again will he let Zoro think he's alone.

* * *

And where did I go wrong? I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

* * *

Nami hates hospitals. She hates the atmosphere, the smell, the food, the goddam walls —she hates everything. She hasn't stepped foot inside of one since Bellemere died and she swore to herself that she would never set foot again. She broke that promise the time she was rushed into the ER after a car accident. Now, with Zoro, she's broken it again.

She wants to say something. She wants to ask him if he's okay. Does he need water? Is he hungry? Does he need his pillow fluffed? Whatever he needs, she'll do it. Free of charge. But she can't find her voice.

She doesn't know how Usopp does it, how her friend is able to talk and talk, sharing every little tidbit of his day despite the fact that Zoro never answers. He can't, not with that tube shoved down his throat. Instead, Zoro just lays there, his good eye open and unseeing, the steady beating of the heart monitor the only sound other than Usopp's voice.

Nami's gaze falls on the control in Zoro's hand. This is the third time he's clicked for more morphine in the past hour. Isn't that too much? Chopper did say he was in a lot of pain. Nami's eyes move up to the heavy bandages wrapped around his chest, but she quickly looks away.

She can't bring herself to look at it. Can't bring herself to speak.

Zoro clicks the control again and Nami watches as even more morphine is delivered into his system. Usopp's voice cracks, but he continues on with his story bravely. He's braver than her, apparently.

The beeping of his heart increases, then slow downs. Usopp continues talking and Nami bites her lip. She wants to slap the control again, wants to yell at him to stop being a moron, wants to hit him on the back of the head…she just wants to hear his voice again. She doesn't care if it is a scoff or a crass insult. She doesn't even mind being called a witch again, she just wants to hear his voice.

She just wants her friend back. She wants Zoro back.

Zoro's fingers twitch and Nami is out of her seat before she can think. She moves quicker than him and snatches the control from his hands, her heart almost stopping when his eye locks on her.

It's lighter than she remembers. Duller.

"T-that's enough." Her voice comes out softer than she expected, shaky.

Zoro's hand wraps around her wrist and she stares down at it, horrified. His grip is weak—it is impossibly weak. His hand is bony and cold, and at that moment Nami realizes that she can see Zoro's collarbones sticking out. His face is gaunt, his body thin, he's…just a shell.

"Nami, he's in pain," Usopp says quietly. "Chopper said—."

"He's already taken too much!" she snaps and the hand around her wrist tightens. She looks at Zoro, mouth slack. Is he…? "You can't have anymore," she says firmly and Zoro's gaze narrows.

"Nami—."

"No, Usopp," she snaps. "Can't you see what he's doing? I don't care how hurt he is, I'm not going to baby him!"

The grip around her wrist is almost painful now, his eye darker.

"You're being a moron, you idiot!" she yells at him. "And I'm not going to enable your addiction! You're not taking any more morphine, and that'sit!"

It hurts. He's going to leave a bruise around her wrist. He's pissed. She can recognize the anger in his eyes, and it makes her so happy .

This is a Zoro she can recognize. This is the stubborn and argumentative friend she remembers. The one that hates being ordered around, the one that always butts heads against her. It's not her Zoro, but at least is better than the empty shell Usopp was talking to.

She snatches her hand away from his grip and puts the control as far away from Zoro's reach as possible. "I'm gonna go talk to Chopper about taking this away," she says firmly, glaring at Zoro. That's right, get angry. "And if you hand it back to him, Usopp, I'm gonna charge you ten thousand dollars for every time he clicks that button."

" What ? Hey, that's not fair!"

She doesn't care. She feels Zoro's heavy gaze on her as she walks out and has to fight down a smile. Let him hate her. Let him loathe her. It doesn't matter, as long as he's feeling, as long as there's a spark of something inside of him…she's willing to shoulder on anything.

The nurses on duty let her know Chopper is in his office, and even though she's only been there a couple of times, she remembers the way. She's not at all surprised to see Robin and Franky talking to the young doctor, conversation stopping abruptly as she walks in.

She raises an eyebrow, instantly taking in the strange atmosphere.

"What's going on?"

"Nami! Weren't you watching Zoro?" Chopper asks, ignoring her question.

"That's why I'm here," she says, crossing her arms. "You need to stop giving him morphine."

To her surprise, Chopper nods. "I know."

"I told him the same thing," Robin adds before Nami can say anything. "As painful as it'll be without it…it'll only hurt more if he grows addicted to it."

Chopper nods again and rubs his temples. "I have not…I'm not used to dealing with drug-addiction, that's not my area of expertise, but I have been granted permission to oversee Zoro's treatment during his short stay here. This will be…extremely difficult, not to mention painful."

"Short stay?" Nami asks. "What do you mean? I told you, I'll pay for his medical bills, I don't care how long it takes."

"That's not the problem, Nami," Robin says softly. "Do not forget, Zoro has been arrested. As soon as the worst stages of his withdrawal are complete, he will be transferred to rehabilitation facility under the jurisdiction of the federal government."

"But—but, Robin! He's Zoro , you can't let them—!"

"He may be our friend Nami, but do not forget that he's also a criminal. He's involved with one of the biggest drug syndicates in the world, not to mention he's being tried for second degree murder."

" What ?" No…not that can't be true. Not Zoro. The man isn't…he wouldn't…that can't be true.

"Uh, Robin…I don't think Nami knew that," Franky says and Robin blinks, surprised.

"Oh, I…Nami, this is private information. You can't—."

"You're going to do something about it," Nami interrupts, glaring at Robin.

She stares at her. "No, I am simply an Agent, I don't have the authority—."

"It wasn't a question," Nami hisses. "That's our friend!" she yells. "That's Zoro! You can't just cross your arms, Robin! Don't you fucking care about him? He's Zoro ….have you forgotten what he means to us?"

She wipes away the tears in her eyes angrily. Fuck, she told herself she was going to cry. This is so frustrating . She feels so useless . This isn't the way things are supposed to be.

"Nami, please calm down," Chopper whispers. "Robin is doing everything she can."

"Well, it's not fucking enough," Nami snaps. "Do you think Zoro would do the same to you? Do you think he wouldn't move heaven and earth to help you ?"

"Of course he would," Robin says, her voice curt. "He's Zoro, he always…" Her voice dies off and her eyes take on a thoughtful look. She stares at nothing for a moment and whispers: "Zoro always has a plan."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Franky asks, frowning.

"What are you talking about?" Nami agrees. "Zoro always rushes through things. He's the last person to think things through."

Robin seems to come out of whatever funk she was in, and smiles widely. "And that's where you're wrong, Nami. When pushed against a corner, Zoro always pulls through."

Robin grabs her purse and pulls out a thin folder, handing it over to Chopper. "Complete files on Koro, the drug Zoro was abusing the most. I suspect it'll take about three to four days for withdrawal symptoms to take effect now that you're taking him off morphine."

"Oh, ah, thank you."

"Where are you going?" Nami snaps, staring as Robin slips on her jacket and shoulders her bag.

Robin grins. "I'm about to go move heaven and earth. Keep an eye out on Zoro for me, will you?"

Nami stares at her as she leaves, then smirks. "Like you even need to ask."

* * *

As he begins to raise his voice

You lower yours and grant him one last choice

Drive until you lose the road

Or break with the ones you've followed

He will do one of two things

He will admit to everything

Or he'll say he's just not the same

And you'll begin to wonder why you came

* * *

Luffy considers himself an easy going guy. He's strong, yeah, but he doesn't have the need to prove it by constantly shoving it in people's faces. That's just not cool. Nah, he prefers to spend his time hanging out with friends or eating meat. And most of the time, he gets to do both!

Yeah, Luffy has the good life. Awesome nakama, Sanji's food, and a boyfriend that doesn't mind the fact that Luffy has zero interest in sex. Yeah, Trao's a cool guy. He's super funny, too!

Luffy likes meeting new people. He likes having lots of friends. But his bests friends will always be his nakama. Nami, Usopp, Sanji, Chopper, Robin, Franky, Brook, and Zoro. The people he loves the most—well, other than Ace and Sabo, but they're his brothers and his friends are nakama.

And he would do anything for his nakama. He's strong, just so he can protect them. He will fight against anyone who dares to hurt his friends.

But…what is he supposed to do when the person hurting his friend…is themselves? How is he supposed to help Zoro when did this to himself?

"You're going to hurt something, staring so hard" Zoro says, voice raspy.

"I am?" Luffy asks, surprised. Is that something that can happen—oh, Zoro's being sarcastic. And here he thought he was getting better at handling sarcasm. Law certainly uses it a lot.

Zoro looks tired. He looks different, too. Luffy doesn't like it one bit. It's better now that Chopper has taken off the breathing mask and the feeding tube, but Zoro always looks like he is in pain now.

"Are you cold?" Luffy asks, noticing how Zoro's shaking. His skin is pale, but not like Sanji's. He's the same color that Usopp has when he's afraid. What did Nami call it?

Ashen.

Zoro doesn't answer. He hardly ever talks. Well, Zoro has never done much talking, but it's different now. The silence sounds different.

"You should go to sleep," Luffy says. Zoro looks tired. He looks so tired.

He looks like he did when Kuina died. He looks like he did when he moved out of his dad's house. He looks defeated. And that's not a look Luffy likes seeing on Zoro.

It's not right .

"I can't," Zoro snaps. "Because it hurts."

"What hurts?" Luffy asks immediately. He'll make it better. Whatever it is, he'll make it better.

"Everything!" Zoro shouts, and the change in mood is so sudden that it almost surprises Luffy. "Everything fucking hurts! My fucking chest, my fucking eye, my fucking blood …it fucking hurts!"

Zoro's eyes widen and he suddenly lurches forward to throw up bile all over the floor. Luffy jumps back instinctively, but then he rushes forward to hold on to Zoro's shoulder before he can fall off the bed.

Zoro pushes him away, but he's retching again, throwing up nothing but water, gagging over nothing. His eyes are red and there are tear-tracks on his cheeks, and when he grabs Luffy for support, he can barely feel Zoro's large hand on his shoulder.

It's like he's made out of bones.

Zoro falls back on the bed heavily, wiping his mouth with a grimace, and avoids meeting Luffy's eyes. Luffy notices the small blood stains on the bandages on his chest and fears he busted up some of his stitches, so he clicks the small red button Chopper told him to press if there was an emergency.

"Why didn't you guys leave me to fucking die?"

Luffy turns to stare at Zoro. There are tears falling from his good eye, wetting the pillow, but he's not sure whether they're from the vomiting or if Zoro's really crying.

He's never seen Zoro cry before.

"Luffy…it hurts so much," Zoro whispers. "I need…I need to take it."

"Take what?"

"Anything," Zoro says quickly, looking at him. "Anything, Luffy. I know you can help me, I know I can count on you. Luffy, you're the only one I trust…you have to help me."

The words hurt. It is painfully to see Zoro acting like this, because Luffy knows that in a different sutation, Zoro would never use Luffy's trust like this. But Chopper has warned them the side effects of some withdrawal symptoms. Right now, Zoro is not thinking straight. He would do anything to feed his addiction. Even manipulate his friends.

"No," he says firmly, ignoring the way Zoro's eyes widen in disbelief and betrayal. "No more drugs, Zoro. It's going to hurt…it's going to hurt really bad, but this will make you feel better later on. You have to take it."

"Fucking easy for you to say," Zoro hisses. "What kind of friend are you?"

Before he can answer, the door opens and Chopper walks in…followed by two tall, strong orderlies and a skittish nurse.

"What's wrong…oh." Chopper nods at the nurse who walks back out, probably to look for something to clean up the mess. "How are you feeling, Zoro? Does your wound hurt?"

"Feels like a I'm getting stabbed again, all the time ," Zoro growls. "I'll feel better with some goddamn pain medication. Isn't that what you're supposed to do, Chopper ? Make me feel better?"

"I am," Chopper says quietly. "You're going through the first stages of withdrawal, Zoro. Nausea, violent behavior, shakes, fever, physical pain…it's only the beginning. What Caesar was giving you was practically poison in powder form and—."

"Tasted real good, too," Zoro interrupts. "Made me feel a lot better than I'm feeling right now."

Chopper swallows thickly and Luffy frowns, crossing his arms. He knows Zoro's not himself right now, he knows he would never be mean to Chopper if he were okay, but it still doesn't mean he likes hearing him talk like that.

"It was only temporary relief," Chopper braves on. "If…if I let the withdrawal symptoms continue on like this, it will be a slow death to you. Two month of this…only for you to die."

"Ah, perhaps karma is real," Zoro mutters. "So if I'm a dead man walking, why not give me the morphine, huh? There's no hope for me, Chopper. Help a dying man out, c'mon."

"We're not letting you die," Luffy says firmly. "Right, Chopper?"

Chopper nods firmly and nods to one of the orderlies. The man steps forward and hands Chopper a syringe. It's filled with a thick, bright pink liquid, the needle wickedly long.

Zoro stares at Chopper, his good eye opened wide and panicked. He sits up, wincing in slight discomfort, but his gaze never leaves the syringe.

"What is that?" he whispers.

"An antidote," Chopper answers. "Koro kills because the symptoms last for so long. Vomiting causes dehydration, the fever gets higher with time, your heart rate will keep increasing until your heart, quite literally, explodes. It is a messy death. A painful one."

"That's not what I asked," Zoro hisses. "What the fuck is that? "

"Essentially, a booster shot," Chopper explains. "It will suppress some of the worst symptoms, the life-threatening ones, but…whatever you're feeling right now…it's nothing compared to how this will make you feel."

Zoro's eyes widen and Luffy takes a hesitant step forward. "You cannot do that! I'm not letting you stick that in me!" Zoro yells.

"A court of law has declared that, as a drug addict, your judgement has been impaired and thus medical decisions have been made by your next of kin. Your father has agreed with the treatment and—."

"Fuck my father! Fuck you! You're not—get the fuck away from me!"

Zoro jerks away from the orderly that grabs his arms, snarling when the second one steps in to push him down on the bed and hold his legs down.

"Luffy," Chopper says quietly and he nods. He takes in a deep breath and steps forward to press his hands to Zoro's cheeks, forcing him to turn his head away from Chopper and leave his right shoulder exposed.

"Luffy, don't," Zoro whispers, his whole body shaking in impotent anger and desperation. Luffy can very well see that Zoro is trying very hard to fight him off, but he's not strong enough.

Luffy's a good friend. He doesn't doubt himself. He made a horrible mistake by not noticing Zoro was hurting before it got to this point, but he's going to do better. He's going to grow stronger so that Zoro will never have to feel like this again.

He's going to have to be strong if he wants to fight against Zoro on this because he knows his friend is strong, too. Zoro's one of the strongest persons he knows. And this may be a different kind of fight, one not fought with fists, but Luffy still won't lose.

* * *

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

* * *

Robin does not like working for the government. She's good at her job—oh, she is very good at it—but she doesn't enjoy it. The lies, the secrets agendas, the politics…she's a master of it all, but she prefers the simple life. The type of life she has with Franky.

But there are moments in life when Robin appreciates her job. After all, someone has to do the dirty work. And if her hands have to get dirty in order for a little good to happen, then she's willing to do that.

She just never expected to see the day when her work would hit so close to home.

She never expected to see any of her friends down in the mud and grit of the underworld.

Her biggest regret in this whole situation was not sticking around for longer when she visited Zoro. She knew something was wrong, was fully aware that something had happened between Sanji and Zoro, but was not quite sure what exactly. Still isn't. No matter how skillful she is, Sanji will always be better at keeping secrets. In the skills of deceit, Sanji has her beat.

But she's been working with addicts and dealers for years, perhaps longer than someone her age should, and she didn't see the signs. She thought she was doing the right thing when she gave Zoro the list of her agents. She kept a few names out, agents that weren't under her command like Monet, who works with Mihawk in the FSKN, Kid who's stationed in the DEA's Tokyo embassy, and Cobra, who works with the EDA in Egypt and has successfully created an entire undercover network.

She put at risk the lives of her agents to keep Zoro safe. Instead, she should've just gotten him out of there. Before he got hooked on Koro. But she didn't think Zoro would ever abuse, didn't think Zoro could ever fall victim to drugs.

Was blind belief in her friend her Achilles heel? Did she allow her emotions to cloud her judgement?

Perhaps it's because she's always looked at Zoro not as person to protect, but a person that can protect her.

And it seems, at least in that aspect, she was not mistaken.

"Have you found any useful information?" Mihawk asks her, looking quite disinterested.

"Plenty," Robin replies. She's not sure how to feel about Mihawk. He's the reason why Zoro is in the hospital…then again, he's the reason why Zoro is in the hospital and not in prison looking at a life sentence. He was also the one who kept Zoro from bleeding to death in that field, and the one who contacted Robin and Law so that they could transfer Zoro to a hospital back in Atlanta.

"We already have enough evidence to put Doflamingo behinds bars for life. What else are you searching for? Roronoa committed second degree murder…a judge won't look past that easily."

"I think a judge will agree with me that Zoro acted out of self-defense," Robin says. "After all, the only reason he attacked Gladius was to protect Lily and Muret—not to mention, his actions led to the survival of Agent Bellamy, who Gladius was keeping captive and torturing for information."

Mihawk raises an eyebrow. "Oh? I don't think he particularly cared about your agents. But let's say you can take off the murder charge…he was still an Executive of the Donquixote Family, involved in the distribution of a number of illegal drugs. Not to mention plenty of charges of blackmail, theft, a number of violent and property crimes…he's still looking at life behind bars."

"I have plenty of Agents that have committed similar crimes."

"Yes, but they were undercover, it doesn't—oh."

Robin smirks, satisfied by the look of understanding in Mihawk's eyes.

"You have no proof that he was working undercover for you," Mihawk says.

"That's true…but I'm sure any judge will be more than happy to cut a deal with a man that can hand them enough information to bring down not only the entirety of the Donquixote Family….but also three other drug lords."

Robin pushes the open file on her desk closer to Mihawk. It is truly a great feeling to be the cause of such a shocked expression on the usually stoic man. And it only gets better when that shock turns to wonder.

"Roronoa gathered all of this information?" he asks, something kin to respect in his voice.

Robin nods. "All of it. All the information Doflamingo, Trebol, Diamante, and Pica had…all amassed into this file. Doflamingo underestimated Zoro, thought he was sharing secrets with a dead man…and that was his biggest mistake."

"If this leads to the arrest of Kaido, Teach, and Charlotte, you could considerably lower his sentence," Mihawk murmurs. "Have you talked with the District Attorney?"

"No, but I'm sure it won't be difficult to convince Garp," Robin shrugs. "He's a man of strict morals, but he's reasonable."

"And Roronoa…is he going to take the deal?"

Robin freezes for a moment, but quickly drives the dark feeling away. "Zoro will understand. Once he's better."

"Ah, so you're doing this behind his back?"

"I'm pretty sure Zoro cannot agree to anything right now," Robin snaps. She fists her hands and forces her voice to soften. "It's my understanding that Chopper has already administered an antidote."

Mihawk stares at her, face impassive. "Are you certain he will thank you for this?"

Robin cannot answer that honestly. No, she's not sure of Zoro's feelings. She doesn't have the answers, she's not one step ahead of the game, and it all leaves her feeling so…uncertain. That's not a feeling she enjoys, nor one she feels often.

But it was lack of action that lead Zoro into this. It was keeping quiet when she knew something was amiss. It was disregarding his isolation and the way he withdrew from the group weeks before he moved. It was her belief that everything would be okay, that Zoro could handle anything on his own, that led her to fail him so much.

Because even people as strong as Zoro need help. And even though she's out of her depth here, even though she's not sure whether her efforts are right or wrong, this is all she can do to help. And she has to hope that's enough, has to hope that Zoro will pull through, because she can't do anything else.

* * *

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life

How to save a life

* * *

Brook has still not gotten used to seeing his friend interact with his daughter. Out of all the things that come to mind when he thinks of Sanji, paternal is not one of them. Well, it's not like he's seen Sanji ever interact with children, but it's hard to attach 'paternal' to a list of characteristics that includes short-tempered, perverted, chain-smoking, and a mouth capable of making a sailor blush.

"Brook! Look, she's smiling!" Sanji exclaims, giddy smile in place. "Aren't you a smart girl? Can you recognize me already, sweetie? I'm your Daddy!"

Brook smiles. "Sanji, the stove."

"Oh, shit," Sanji curses, turning away from Cloe to quickly move the pan from the stove, stirring the ground beef to make sure it didn't burn.

Brook glances at Cloe, winking at her when the baby's eyes land on him. "See what you do, Cloe? Looking so pretty, you have your Dad going crazy!"

Cloe coos and gurgles, her tiny fists waving about.

"She's growing so damn fast, man," Sanji says, smiling fondly.

"Yes," Brook agrees. "Looking at her, I would never believe she was born underweight."

Sanji winces but he quickly turns his face, so Brook decides not to mention it. He knows Sanji still feels guilty about leaving while Cloe was in her incubator, but it's not like he could've done anything staying here. Chopper checked on her any time he could, even though Cloe's attending physician got mad at him for visiting so often.

"Did you do something to the kitchen?" Brook asks curiously, looking around the kitchen. "It seems…different."

"I bought new equipment!" Sanji says, looking excited. "Pans, spoons, plates, cutting boards…bought everything in colors! I read in a book that Cloe is going to start growing more curious about the world around her, and I thought I should start introducing her to colors and sounds. I also bought some of those kids CD's. You know, Mickey Mouse and that shit."

"Yes, I can see that." Sanji's entire apartment, once a bachelor's dream pad, has now turned into something resembling a day care's nursery. The entire place has been baby proofed (courtesy of Nami, Vivi, and Kaya), baby toys filled the living room, the TV is on playing cartoons even though Cloe is way too young to find them entertaining, and now the kitchen.

Sanji really is going all out.

"I have to wait until Nami can stop by again to watch Cloe before I go shopping," Sanji says. "Chopper is going to bring more formula, but I need to buy more diapers and maybe some more clothes. She's growing so fast, I can only use an outfit maybe once or twice before it's too small for her."

"That's because you've bought her like twenty different pairs," Brook reminds him. "There's only so many days in a month, you know."

"She just looks so adorable in them," Sanji gushes. "How can I help myself?"

"Figure it out, or you're going to go broke," Brook warns him. "Also…I'm pretty sure Cloe is about ready to go out. She's already two months old, Sanji."

"I know…I'm just worrying," Sanji admits.

"Maybe you can bring her along when you visit Zoro," Brook says quietly, not surprised when Sanji drops the spoon in his hand.

He quickly picks it up and hurries to the sink to wash it, keeping his back to Brook. "M-maybe later? I don't…perhaps it's too soon to bring her back to the hospital."

"She has a checkup soon, doesn't she?" Brook asks and Sanji winces.

"Yeah, but…didn't they move him? Z-Zoro, I mean. I thought Chopper said we couldn't visit him anymore."

"We can't go in the room, but we can still visit," Brook answers. "I'm going today. Perhaps you want to come with me?"

Sanji stops pretending he's washing the spoon, his shoulders sagging. He keeps his back to Brook, his face turned away. "I don't think that's a good idea, Brook," he finally answers, voice quiet. "Perhaps it's best if I don't see him again."

Brook lets Cloe grab his finger, her little fist holding on tightly, and forces his voice to remain as calm and quiet as Sanji's. "You're his best friend."

"Was," Sanji says immediately. "I was his best friend."

"Sanji…when you left…where did you go?"

Sanji turns around to look at him, eyes downcast and face stricken with guilt, but before he can answer, Cloe starts crying loudly and Brook panics.

"What's wrong? Don't cry!" he exclaims.

Sanji turns off the faucet, then the stoves, before he moves forward to pick up Cloe, patting her back and bouncing her softly. "She's just sleepy," he says quickly. "I'm gonna put her to bed. Sorry, Brook, but can you go?"

Sanji doesn't wait for an answer, turning around to walk towards his bedroom, humming what sounds like a lullaby as he tries to put Cloe to sleep.

Brook is left with no choice but to obey. Usopp warned him that he wouldn't be able to convince Sanji to visit Zoro, but he thought he should at least try. He knows it won't do any good, but part of him thinks that seeing Sanji will make Zoro feel a little better.

Those two have been friends far longer than any of them. When Brook first met Sanji, they couldn't go a conversation without Zoro's name popping in. Sanji never noticed, it was like almost second nature to him. After meeting Zoro for the first time, Brook could understand.

Zoro's the type of person anyone would want to befriend. He's a man that deserves respect and admiration, the type of person people always look up to. And when Brook first met him, after watching Zoro compete—and win—in a Kendo Championship, he knew that he wanted Zoro to consider him a friend, too.

He's not as close to the man as the others. Brook is relatively new to the group, and Zoro has always been the lone wolf type of person. He doesn't remember a single occasion when he and Zoro hung out together, by themselves, but he's also never felt left out.

Zoro is the type of person who hardly ever lets people in, but once he does, it's the best thing ever. Being around him, just being called a friend by him, makes Brook feel…happy.

That's why looking at him now, hearing his voice now…it just breaks his heart.

Nami and Luffy are in the hospital when Brook arrives. They're both waiting outside of Zoro's room, quiet and anxious, the sounds of Zoro's muted screams a background noise that they will never get used to.

The entire hall is empty. There are no other patients around, no one but people hand-picked by Chopper are allowed to attend to Zoro. The room is supposed to be sound proof, but his screams still echo. Brook wonders how much louder they are inside the room and suddenly has a newfound respect for Chopper.

"How is he?" Brook asks, knowing the answer already.

"He's…Chopper said we'll be able to go inside today," Nami murmurs. "He said the worst of it has already passed."

Brook raises an eyebrow. It doesn't sound like it. "Really? And so he's screaming because…?"

"It's a lot softer than it was before," Luffy says quietly. "At least he's not going into seizures anymore."

"The cure was only to stop the withdrawal from killing him…it doesn't mean he's still not addicted," Nami adds. "That's going to be a much longer process."

The door opens as she speaks and, just for a moment, Zoro's voice filters out, pained and hoarse, before Chopper shuts the door behind him.

"How is he?" Luffy asks immediately, standing up.

"He's going to be okay," Chopper says, and for once, he doesn't sound like he's trying to convince himself.

Brook sags with relief and Nami wipes her eyes. "Thank God," she whispers.

"I gave him a mild sedative…nothing too strong, just to calm him down a little," Chopper says. "I can only let one of you guys go in for a couple of minutes though. I'm sorry, but he needs rest."

"One of you guys should go," Nami says quickly. "I don't think…I'm fine here."

"Brook, did you talk with Sanji?" Luffy asks quietly. "He should be the one."

"I did," Brook answers. "But he didn't think it was wise to bring Cloe here."

"He's right," Nami says. "This isn't the right environment for a baby."

Luffy nods thoughtfully. "I think you should go, Brook. You've been here almost every day, all day."

"But Luffy, you…"

"I don't think Zoro wants to see me right now," Luffy says. "I was there when Chopper…I was the one who…"

"I understand," Brook says quickly, not letting the younger man finish the painful sentence. "I'll go."

"He has a clear head now, Brook, so it's just like talking to the old Zoro," Chopper says, trying to be encouraging. "He's just in too much pain to really hold a conversation for long."

Brook nods and tugs at his jacket firmly before he walks forward. It feels strange, being so afraid of seeing Zoro.

The room is dark when he walks in. The curtains around the bed have been pulled, covering Zoro from sight, and the blinds are closed. There's a nurse checking Zoro's vital, his face somber, and he glances at Brook quickly before he finishes his job and steps out.

Brook walks around the bed, his heart pounding in his chest as his eyes land on Zoro in the bed. He looks gaunt, body pale and covered in bruises. His eye is open, staring blankly at the ceiling, and there are needles sticking from both hands. Brook can spy a catheter hooked on the bed, but at least Zoro doesn't need the feeding tube anymore. The padded cuffs tying his body down to the bed are hard to miss, though.

Brook sits down on the stool next to the bed and doesn't utter a word. The silence is thick between them, the only sounds those made by the multiple machines hooked up to Zoro.

"Hey…Brook…?"

Zoro's voice is hoarse and soft, almost too quiet to hear.

"Yes, Zoro?" he asks breathlessly, and his heart skips a beat when Zoro turns his head to look at him. His expression is a little bit pained, a little bit tired, but there is recognition in his eye.

"Can you…cover up…the noises?" he asks, voice cracking. "I need…to sleep."

Brook stares at him, then startles, making sense of the request. "O-of course! Let me sing a song that'll send you straight to dreamland!"

Zoro smiles, just a twitch of the lips, but it's a smile . "Thanks…Brook."

He's so happy, he could cry.

* * *

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

* * *

Cloe is not a difficult baby. All of the books he's read warn him about the horrid nights of waking up every few hours to feed their crying babies, but Cloe is surprisingly quiet. He worried at the beginning, thought perhaps she couldn't speak, but Chopper has assured him a number of times that she's perfectly healthy.

The two weeks she spent in an incubator were enough to help her grow into her normal weight and size.

Besides, during her time at the hospital, the nurses managed to help her grow accustomed to a feeding schedule, which makes things a lot easier for Sanji. All he has to do is wake up every three hours to feed her. He's learned to set his alarm, since Cloe will wake up and only cry out in hunger after maybe an hour has past.

He doesn't care if it sounds silly, but he's sure his baby doesn't like noise. She's a quiet little lady, happy and curious, and he's sure she's developing a personality already. Is that possible? Maybe she's just special.

Chopper likes to remind him that all parents think like that of their children, but Sanji's sure he's right. Cloe is his special little princess.

"Aren't you?" he coos, grinning when she gifts him with a smile. "Aren't you just the sweetest little thing?"

She coos and hums and Sanji's sure no other baby sounds as adorable as her. She's perfect. A faint dusting of golden hair atop her head, eyes an impossible sapphire blue, and skin as soft as…well, as a baby's.

"C'mon, Cloe. Let's move you right here so you can watch Daddy cook," Sanji says, moving the baby seat atop the kitchen island, making sure she's secure before he starts on a fast and simple breakfast. Chopper says it's good to talk to her and reply to the noises she makes, since it encourages her to keep making them.

He also said that Cloe can already recognize him, and that maybe she already prefers him over others, since she always fuzzes when someone else picks her up. He hugged the young doctor tightly after that little tidbit, elated to be his daughter's favorite person.

"Soon you'll be eating big food like me," Sanji tells her as he serves his plate. "And I'll work really hard to create the most delicious food you have ever tasted. Nothing but the best for my little princess."

Cloe gurgles and waves her hands, smiling widely.

"You're so damn cute," Sanji sighs, staring at her. He's distracted by the sound of someone knocking, but before he can invite them in, the door opens and Nami and Usopp walk in, holding a box of donuts and coffee.

"Damn it, we're too late," Usopp sighs, looking at the eggs in front of Sanji. "We brought coffee."

"I never say no to coffee and donuts," Sanji says, making grabby hands at them.

"Great, because you owe me $5.15," Nami says, handing him the food. "Hello, Cloe! How's my favorite niece?"

"Don't let Nojiko hear you say that," Usopp mutters. "Didn't she already have her kid?"

"Yeah, and it's a boy, so he's my favorite nephew," Nami says, keeping a smile on her face as she plays with Cloe.

"Not that I'm not grateful, but what brought this on?" Sanji asks, blowing on his coffee to cool it down.

"It's a bribe," Nami says. "Usopp and I will stay here to watch Cloe, and you, mister, are going to the hospital to visit Zoro."

Sanji freezes. "Nami, I—."

"I know you don't want to bring Cloe out yet—you're being an overprotective idiot, by the way—so you have no excuses now. Go visit your friend," Nami orders.

"He's doing a lot better," Usopp adds quietly. "I mean, he's still…you know, getting urges. But compared to before…I think he would like to see you."

Yeah right. That's probably the last thing Zoro wants. And who can blame him? He probably wants nothing to do with Sanji again, not after what he did. Besides, Sanji's not welcomed there. He's has no right to care about Zoro anymore.

Jackson sure made that clear.

"Stop thinking," Nami snaps. "I wasn't asking, I'm telling you. You're going to visit Zoro, and that's that."

He wants to. Fuck, there's nothing more he wants right now than to visit Zoro. But he's certain the other man doesn't want to see him. And despite all of the question Sanji has, he's aware that this isn't the right time to ask him.

But maybe…he can stop by just for a few minutes? Not talk to him, just see him and make sure he's alright. "Okay," he finally answers. "I will."

He leaves strict instructions for Usopp and Nami to follow, telling them about a dozen times to call him if anything happens, before they practically kick him out of his house. And then, there's the familiar drive to the hospital. Except this time Sanji doesn't stop at the pediatrics department, instead going two floors higher to where Zoro is.

The others have told him about Zoro's especial circumstances, but it's still shocking to see the deserted hall. He shouldn't be here. This is…he has no right. This was a bad idea. There is no way Zoro would want to see him, no way he doesn't hate Sanji for—

"Sanji!"

He looks up and grimaces when he sees Luffy. He's coming out of what's certainly Zoro's room and his yell was loud enough that Zoro probably heard it inside. He can't run away now.

"Hey, you finally came," Luffy says, closing the door behind him. "You're just in time! Zoro just woke up."

"Great," Sanji mutters. "He must be tired, though, so maybe—."

"He's doing fine, Chopper gave him something," Luffy says. "He's getting a lot better, though. He'll be happy to see you, so go on in!"

Well, that's that. There's no way he can say no now that Luffy's here. If he tries to run, Luffy will just drag him back. He gives Luffy what he hopes is a comforting smile and steps forward.

Opening this door is almost as hard as it was to knock on Zoro's apartment a month ago. God, has it really been only a month.

He closes his eyes and steps in, only opening them once he's inside.

Zoro's in bed, looking out of the window. He's sitting up, blankets pulling around his waist, his upper body bare but bandaged. Sanji's eyes graze over the patch on his eye then slides down to the thick bandages around his chest.

"H-hey."

Zoro doesn't answer and Sanji berates himself. Fuck, he needs to go. He needs to get out of here, what was he thinking? Of course Zoro doesn't want to see him.

How can he look Zoro in the eye after what he did to him? Everyone else blames themselves for not noticing the signs, for not paying attention, but none of them are at fault.

No, Sanji was the one who spent two weeks with Zoro. He was there while Zoro drugged himself, probably even while he was in the room. When Zoro spent too long in the bathroom, or when he took too long to open the door. When he went to 'work' or even that time when he took those pills for the 'flu'. Sanji was there and he didn't notice anything. Why?

Because he's a fucking selfish prick.

"You can go."

Sanji blinks, staring at Zoro. "Sorry?"

He looks away from the window, finally looking at Sanji. "You can go," he repeats, but he doesn't sound particularly angry. "You don't have to be here."

"I…I want to," he answers. Because that's the truth. He wants to be here, but he can't. He shouldn't .

Zoro snorts and looks away.

"I'm not lying." Why does he look so skeptic? Does he think Sanji doesn't care? "I'm just…"

"I know you're sorry," Zoro interrupts. "You don't have to be."

"But I didn't notice—Zoro, you were using—."

"Yes," Zoro cuts in one more time, voice firm. "I was. I had to. Every day before seeing you, and every time after talking to you. It was the only way I could go through the day. But you had other things on your mind."

It doesn't sound like Zoro's blaming him. He sounds understanding, like he doesn't blame Sanji at all for being such a huge fucking moron.

"I did, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't have noticed!" Sanji exclaims. "You're my friend and I—."

"I'm not your fucking friend," Zoro hisses, spitting venom and Sanji takes a step back. "I've never…just fucking leave, Sanji."

"No, I—." He should leave. He should leave Zoro alone, let him leave in peace. All he's ever done is hurt Zoro. From breaking up with him when they were so happy, from going after him in his moment of weakness, to falling in love with his best friend.

"I'll leave," Sanji says softly. "I just wanted to see if you were okay."

"Did you really?" Zoro snaps, rolling his eye. "You can stop feeling fucking guilty. I was fucked up way before you came along. I mean, yeah, it all started after you broke up with me, but you had very little to do with it afterwards."

Since then? Wait…that was before he married. Oh god, how did he not see? And then, he asked Zoro to leave. He kissed Zoro on his wedding day, he was weak and…Zoro was probably high then. He had been using since then.

"Don't worry about me," Zoro repeats.

"That's kind of impossible to ask," Sanji murmurs. "I'm sorry, Zoro, but I care about you."

"Really?" Zoro snorts. "Alright then. Before you go, answer me this: why did you come back? What, sex with Conis wasn't hitting it right with you?"

Sanji winces. He can hear the hurt in Zoro's voice, the pain in his eyes. He deserves an explanation.

"I…I never slept with Conis," Sanji says, then hurries to add. "I mean, while we were married."

"Pregnant chicks not your thing?"

"No, Zoro, I…I love you." Zoro's disbelief is painful to see, and only then does Sanji realize that he's never said the words. Zoro did, after they broke up. Zoro said the words, even after he saw him kissing Conis. "Zoro, I only married Conis for Cloe," Sanji says quickly, before the other man can speak. "But I…I mean, why else would I kiss you during my wedding? I told you then, seeing you…I wanted to be with you. I asked you to leave because I was afraid I would leave her for you, and I didn't…I wanted my daughter to be born with a father."

"She could," Zoro whispers. "You didn't have to marry her, you…"

"Conis' parents wouldn't have understood," Sanji interrupts. "She was thinking of having an abortion when she told me. She didn't want…she would be disowned if they found out she was pregnant and not married. I had to do it Zoro. But I love you, don't you know? Zoro, I love you ."

Zoro doesn't look affected. It's hard to read the emotions on his face with the bandages, but he doesn't look like he cares about Sanji's confession.

"Conis…she passed away during birth," Sanji continues quietly. "And when Cloe was born, she was heavily underweight. The doctors weren't sure she was going to survive. And so…I panicked."

He stops and takes a deep breath. It's hard to talk about this, but if anyone deserves to know, it's Zoro.

"It was one thing to take responsibility alongside Conis, but another completely different thing to do it all alone," he continues. "I was a fucking coward, and I ran away. I was scared and confused, and my daughter was in a fucking incubator, struggling for her life, and I was so fucking scared…I went to you. Because that last time I was truly happy, it was by your side. And being with you, it was like everything was alright. Like we were back in high school, living next door to each other, sneaking out to the roof of your house to watch the stars together before falling asleep. And I want that. I wanted to feel safe, I wanted to feel happy, and I didn't want to deal with the possibility that my daughter could die. But then…I met that guy Jackson….and he told me about how he left his family for you, how he loved you, about how much he cared for you…and I remember thinking, can I leave my daughter for Zoro ? And well, the answer is no. The answer will always be no."

"Is that why you left?" Zoro asks quietly.

Sanji nods. "Yes. After he left, I just…I grabbed my things and hurried home. Conis' parents wanted to adopt Cloe, and I was sure that she belonged with me. I'm her father, and it doesn't matter how hard it is, I want to raise her."

In a perfect life, he could have it all. Cloe and Zoro, both together with him. But he knows it's not perfect. He knows he doesn't have the right to ask Zoro to give him a second—no, a third— chance. Zoro has no responsibilities with Cloe, he doesn't have to tie himself down to a man that has to devote his life to a daughter.

Zoro does not deserve a man who has caused him nothing but strife; a man whose loves has poisoned his life. It was his kiss that drove Zoro away, it was his moment of weakness that made everything worse—it was his selfishness that blinded him when Zoro needed him most.

It is his fault that Zoro is here right now.

"Is she better now?" Zoro asks, then continues when Sanji looks confused, "your daughter; is she better?"

"Y-yes! She's doing a lot better," Sanji says quickly, trying to smile. "She's already smiling and she's trying to lift her head up, but she's too young still. She can also grasp, which is a bit early, but Chopper says it's not strange at all for her to achieve some milestones sooner than others."

Zoro nods, face impassive, and closes his eye. "That's good," he murmurs and Sanji's heart aches. "You should go home to her, then," he continues. "I've told you…you can go, if you want."

Zoro is giving him an option here, to stay or go. He knows he should go. He's not wanted here, not really. It's best for him to just leave Zoro alone. He opens his mouth, to say what, he's not sure, then closes it again. He hesitates for no reason, knowing he has to leave but feeling like he'll lose something if he does.

And after everything he's lost, he doesn't want Zoro to be one of those things. So he sits down on the empty seat next to Zoro's bed, and even though they don't speak at all, he stays there all day and through the night.

* * *

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life

How to save a life


End file.
